


only love

by wordcatchers



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Mutual Pining, lordy lord i am so gayhee for jaehee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 02:20:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9636518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordcatchers/pseuds/wordcatchers
Summary: you'd boxed this relationship into "only friendship," but this, you and jaehee -- it doesn't fit into such a small box. it only takes some time to break out of such a confining word and definition.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hello i heard that it's femslash february and i love jaehee kang so much so, here's a thing. [finger guns] i started it last november, put it aside, and just recently came back to finish it. i wrote ~95% of it before the valentine's day after ending came out, so! take that into mind. ;) i might write something more canon re: that after ending later on, maybe.
> 
> also yes i know that canonically, in jaehee's route, seven's real name doesn't come out, but i'm deciding here that in this, between the rfa party and 10 months later, the truth came out. 
> 
> oh! and i was not going to include a name for "MC" here, but when it's first used, i felt i really needed to use something besides "you," and i can't ever see myself using MC or Y/N. so, say hello to-- well, you'll see!

Nothing is sudden for Jaehee Kang. Or, at least, nothing in the past had been, besides what was not her choice. (If she could have chosen, she would still have her parents by her side.) Instead, everything is meticulously planned, thought out to the best of her abilities. But you… she can’t get you off her mind. She plays around with the new key to the small two-story flat she’d just started rental payments on, letting it slip between the fingers of one her hands as it rests against the small of her back. Just as she’s spotted you with Jumin, she stops fidgeting with it, the microphone ready in her other hand.

She’s sure it’s you, Zen and Yoosung had confirmed it before scattering off to visit with other party guests. Not even to mention the way you hold yourself; despite this being the first time she’s seen you, and still it’s only your back with your long hair facing her... The way you slightly bounce on the balls of your feet, hands carefully interlocked behind your back as you listen to Jumin’s proposal… it seems so… you.

Jaehee has to suppress a giggle when you jump at her voice, twisting around to look at her. Her eyes crinkle around the edges as she gets her first good look at your face, while she speaks the truth of him hogging you all to himself (asking to be his assistant nonetheless!), then ingeniously sends hopeful women to him in your place, shooing him away with nothing but words to the crowd.

As you turn about one way, then another, watching as women try to follow Jumin, Jaehee makes her way over to you. You startle slightly when she puts a hand on your shoulder from behind, but you settle when you see it’s her.

You weren’t expecting this type of proposal, the key, nor her hands around yours as she cups it there, looking at you with such tenderness and unmistakeable, sheer hope.

She gasps after you pull your hand away, launching yourself into a tight hug with her. Somewhere between the small joyous laughter you tell her, “Yes, yes, _yes_ , I will be your partner.” You pull yourself back slightly, smiles shared between the two of you. “Thank you for considering me.”

Jaehee shakes her head, saying softly, “I wouldn't have considered anyone else.” You aren’t sure what to say to that, so you only lean forward into the hug again, if only for a couple more seconds.

~

Once the party is over and it looks like the fundraiser goal has been reached, then absolutely _shattered_ , which everyone seems to be thanking you for, you’re lazily reclining on a couch at the side of the ballroom. Everything has been so fancy here today, and you were never prepared for it. All you want to do is take these semi-high heels and dress off, but it’s not time to leave yet.

Yoosung is the first over to you again, lamenting that he’s missing LOLOL all because, “Zen’s ponytail got stuck around a piece of one of the chandeliers, trying to do too much putting chairs back up because he wouldn't just let Jumin's hired help do it all--”

“Wait, _what_ _?_ ” But you don’t ever hear all of his reply. You’re up and across the ballroom in seconds, almost tripping over yourself to get into the adjoining dining area. Zen’s atop a stack of dining chairs, wincing at his situation; somehow, he manages to spot you and give a weak wave, though. Jaehee’s working with his hair, lips pursed as her fingers work nimbly.

Jumin’s nowhere to be found--why isn’t he here, helping Jaehee--

“Oh God,” you say, realizing how unsafe this is for Jaehee, hurrying over to steady the ladder for her. She glances down at you, something of a strained yet hopeful smile on her face. “Why didn’t you come and get me to help?”

You don’t mean to sound so accusatory; you blanch at your own tone and say, “Sorry, sorry... I just. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

Jaehee busies herself with Zen’s hair again, shaking her head. “I... should have. Looking back, I think... I was so used to not having help. Also, Zen was screaming.” She pauses in her work on his hair, heaves a sigh and grasps Zen’s shoulder.

“How attached are you to your ponytail?”

Zen yelps after trying to twist his head around to look at Jaehee. “What-- what do you mean, Jaehee?” You can see the hint of a pout in his lower profile as you keep steadying the ladder.

This is not going to be easy on anyone.

~

“He said he felt _naked_ ,” Jaehee says, wrapping her arms around herself. You’re walking beside her, hands stuffed into your jacket pockets, still feeling something like a girlish nervousness around her. Even through all of this, accepting to make a space with her, “our” space. You get the courage up, though, to take one hand out and wrap it around her shoulders, drawing her closer.

“He’ll be fine, Jaehee. Remember his previous injury?”

That makes the both of you laugh a little.

“You and Yoosung were joking around with Zen about his ‘monster recovery rate,’” she says, “I remember reading that chat later.”

You rub your hand over her upper arm, squeezing it once, gently, then say, “Yeah, and he said it also helped in healing a broken arm. So, I figure, he’ll grow the ponytail back quickly. Monster hair recovery rate, eh?” You let go of her and give her a quick nudge, shoulder to shoulder. She laughs quietly, reaching up and running her fingers through the back of her hair.

After a few moments of silence, Jaehee turns to you and says, “Do you recall our phone conversation?”

“Which one?”

“Ahhahaa, yes, which one… I think it was just yesterday? The one where I mentioned maybe going to try a dessert cafe together, trying some cheesecake, if you still want to?”

You clap your hands together and grin at her. “Of course! Where do you want to go?”

Jaehee bites her lower lip, which somehow makes your brain whisper _cute_ , and she says, “Hmm, I know of this one place not too far from here that supposedly has cheesecake to die for. Not literally, though!”

You laugh and gesture forward, saying, “Lead the way, my lady.”

It’s as you’re passing under a streetlamp that you wonder if that’s a faint pink tingeing her cheeks. You don’t want to believe— no.

She wants friendship.

~

The cheesecake was delightful, but you’re more determined than ever to outdo it just so you get to see Jaehee smile so wide, wider than she does for this cafe’s version. You’d say you’re decent at baking, learning much of what you know from your mother, but now that you and Jaehee are going to start your own cafe, you’ve got to get better.

…But right now your feet are absolutely aching, and you voice the thought aloud as you open the cafe door for her on your way out.

“I’d love to chat more, but I really need to change out of all this.” You gesture at your attire, the shoes, everything, wincing at how tight the dress shoes have become. You hate dress shoes, but had made yourself wear some you’d purchased specifically for the RFA party.

Jaehee grimaces, chewing at her bottom lip, “Ah, I’m sorry for keeping you out—”

“No!” you exclaim, putting your hands up, “No, don’t be! I’ve enjoyed it.” You smile, clasping your hands together in front of you. “I needed it after eleven straight days of sameness.”

“…Sameness?” Jaehee cocks an eyebrow, placing an index finger to her lips. “You did venture out of Rika’s apartment, didn’t you?” She looks worried. You tug on her upper arm, starting to walk.

“I did. Never too far, though. Just the convenience store, sometimes to a street cart, and of course to get essentials from my old place. But… Rika’s apartment, it was… sterile. Is, I mean. It never felt like it could be home. I actually hope now that this party is over, I can move from there.”

“Mhmm, well,” Jaehee takes your hand in hers, “You do have that key now, and I see no reason why your party duties can’t shift to a new residence. Seven can take care of the classified information, once… once we hear from V again.”

You smile and squeeze her hand back. “So, are you suggesting…?”

She laughs. “Yes, come stay with me for the night!”

“You’ve become much bolder, Jaehee,” you say, then something utterly stupid overcomes you, causing you to lower your voice, dip your face towards her ear and whisper, “I love it.”

“Well,” she starts, and you wonder if that’s a hint of breathlessness in her voice. You move away and rub circles on the back of her hand with your thumb. “It’s all because of your support. I’m grateful for you, you know?”

“Likewise,” you say with a smile.

~

Smiles come and go over the next several months as plans are set into motion, as the cafe comes into fruition, to reality, to: “Oh God, opening day is tomorrow.”

That’s from Jaehee as she covers her face with her hands, leaning forward, elbows on her knees as she sits on the couch beside you. You pause the DVD, another of Zen’s musicals, throw the controller to your other side, and wrap your arms around her.

“Hey, hey, Jaehee…” you say softly, rubbing her back, “It’s going to be amazing.”

She’s had panic attacks like this before, doubts still creeping shadows in the back of her head. You knew they wouldn’t just get fixed so easily, she’d been damaged over the years, withered down from pressure and expectations, and you understood that scars took time to form over the wounds, to heal. You had your own, different from hers, but resulting in some of the same symptoms.

Some nights, after she’d finally gotten to know you better, hear you more outside of the messenger, she’d been the one to comfort you -- bringing you into her arms, giving you your own special blend of “Cheer up!” coffee, or even singing you some of Zen’s lyrics. (You would probably never tell Zen this, but you had started to prefer Jaehee’s voice to his.)

You honestly had no idea where you’d be without her, if you’d never stumbled into the RFA messenger app all those months ago.

“But - but what if I’ve forgotten something crucial??” she asks, wide eyes, shining with unshed tears, looking up at you through a haphazard curtain of hair (now that it's had the time to grow to reach the top of her back). “I think I should go downstairs, check everything again.”

“Jaehee…” You cup her chin with the tips of your fingers. “You’ve already triple-checked everything needed to have a successful first week, if not first three _months_ . Do I need to barricade the front door, block the steps? _Please._ Stay here with me.”

You hadn’t really… noticed, how your voice had lowered in the darkened living area of your shared apartment. But you realize now, and feel that vague ache again, stronger than before. You back off from her and pinch the bridge of your nose. Stop.

Telling yourself to stop just wasn’t as effective as it used to be, especially as you sought out ways in which she might think, feel the same as you do. Everything would be so much easier if you felt nothing more, or if you could certainly _repress_ everything more without damaging yourself in the process.

She wants friendship, you remind yourself again.

She _only_ wants friendship.

You remember how steadily you’d built up an around 85% resistance to these unnecessary feelings. How, at some point, you’d gotten used to her piqued interest in Zen whenever you went to see one of his musicals together. (That time another fan had accused her of having romantic feelings for him, to which she had resolutely said no to might have helped a bit, though. “ _I’m not one for scandals that could ruin a person’s career, at that. Please remember to keep_ your _respectable distance from him, as well.”_ You’d wanted to kiss her right after that.)

Working side-by-side at a dingy table in the near barren lower floor, what would later become your cafe together, that was another place you’d come to set aside feelings. Shuffling papers about, solidifying where funds were going, working on the design of the somewhat small area together -- at first, accidentally ghosting over each other fingers had sent a shock of a shiver over your skin. Jaehee seemed to pause minutely at these instances, but with time, you managed to tell yourself it was all a fabrication of your mind.

Only friendship.

No, those hugs weren’t held onto for longer than usual.

No, that was only a quick peck to your cheek for helping out.

No, that blush wasn’t because of you at all.

More and more, you filed it all away as wishful thinking, painstakingly removing all these fantasies. Yet, apparently, it still hasn’t been just enough. It’s been ten months now since your first RFA party, and you’re still here, _pining_. Suddenly it’s like your chest, your heart, it’s all physically aching again.

Now Jaehee’s fingers are resting on your cheek, tugging until you’re facing her again.

“Hey now, cheer up, Sujin,” she says, a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. You remember how you used to say that to her so much in the RFA messenger, all those months ago. _Cheer up, Jaehee!_ It’d become something like a thing between the two of you, but neither of you had used it in maybe two or three months.

You can’t help but laugh a little at her use of it now, even with the tears threatening to spill from your eyes. Why hadn’t this so-called crush gone away? If you could -- _if_ you could even call it that any more, now that you’d been living with this woman for months, seeing just about every side to her she had and still, these feelings hadn’t been squashed.

“I’m going to stay with you, Sujin,” Jaehee says, her voice softer than usual. Then, you feel her nails slightly dig into your cheek before she scoots closer, and -- no, she’s not eyeing your li--

She was eyeing your lips.

You realize it as her own press against them, chaste, tentative.

You’re having a dream. Must be. Just to make sure, you take your fingers and pinch at the skin on your wrist. But it hurts. It’s not _supposed t--_

Jaehee breaks away, glancing up at you with a slight tinge of pink on her cheeks.

"I think I've wanted to do that for a while now," she says, tucking some loose strands of hair behind her ear. "Perhaps since my hair started to rest against the nape of my neck."

Two of your fingers rest against your lips, teasing the bottom one. Did that really just... happen? Eyes slightly wide, you meet Jaehee's and reach out, pulling her to you. _This is real._ You can feel her breathing, a soft pressure against your chest.

She starts to pull away first, running a hand back through her hair, avoiding your gaze for a moment as she chews on her lower lip. When she looks back at you, there’s something resolute in her eyes. And she looks like she might cry at the same time.

“I think…” she starts, fidgeting with her fingers. You reach out, hesitant at first, but then she takes your hands in her own, gripping them. _It’s ok. It’s okay._ “I think,” she continues, “I know why I used to believe that relationships are temporary fantasies fabricated by emotions. Do you remember me saying that in the messenger?”

You have to stifle a giggle that threatened to come out; not because of that message, but another that it had reminded you of. _Oh, that day._

Instead, you nod. “Ah, yes. And there was _another_ , too, about you not being so innocent. You were so upset that Saeyoung wouldn’t delete that one. _And_ he had the nerve to copy and paste it. I… I never admitted this before, but I have to say he made me laugh.”

Jaehee cracks a grin, rubbing at one of her eyes. “Yes, that wasn't one of my shining moments, was it?” You shrug, tenderly wrapping your fingers through some of her hair, finally resting the hand against her head. She leans into the touch.

“May not have been,” you reply, “but I believe it led to me falling for you... for good. I read it over far too many times to try and count. You were cute.”

“Hah, was I?”

You shrug, “Maybe not as cute as you are now, but cuter than anyone else I had feelings for in the past -- of which there weren’t too many, as you know.” You both have already talked about previous relationships: hers with three men, at least a year apart each time, and yourself with a man and then a woman. A couple had ended sourly, most amicably, but none of that mattered now. Perhaps… you two were each other’s final.

Only time would tell, but this…

Another kiss, a pause, and then Jaehee reaches over you, stops Zen’s DVD, puts the controller aside. She’s never done this before, not for this reason -- now she’s returning to focus on you, caressing one of your cheeks with her hand.

Mm, yeah, this is something amazing.

**Author's Note:**

> P.S. I ALMOST FORGOT
> 
> ... for any and all Zen fans out there, DO NOT FEAR.
> 
> he grew his ponytail back in record time. ;D


End file.
